Alone, any problem?

Who says alone is terrible?

Since I've been here, left NTNU and now, being here, started my uni-life, I seems to be more prefer 'lonely' lifestyle than before. I'm scared to have meals alone in the past but now, 'What's the problem?' It's usual for me now, being alone is not as creepy as you thought, well don't ask me to watch a movie especially horror alone, that would definitely NG!

Having dinner alone last night, walking alone at the street, queuing alone just to buy snacks, and watching couples sticking everywhere, without complaining 'cause nobody is beside, arghhh. Challenging huh. I like 'lonely lifestyle recently, doing things alone isn't scary, the truth is, uni-life causes most people lost their real 'me', what they present, is not the real him/her, self-vacation do help to find your real personality in some ways, at least you can tear off your sticky fancy mask 'cause you don't need to social anyone.

Things You Should Try Alone at least Once

The video mentioned watch a movie alone right? Maybe yes, but sorry not for a horror one.

And lastly, 3 down, 3 to go! Happy 'lonely' lifestyle!

Broken English post

Let's talk about feelings.

First of all, sorry for the broken English below, if you're too good in English grammar, please skip off this post to the previous posts, or other bloggers' posts. 'Cause I'm scared to be in charge on your insurances or medic fees, too poor to pay these kind of things. Second, as I'd mention, be careful and don't be blind. (Due to the brokennnnnnnn English below!)

Stars above the sky, after I came to here, the only two things to relieve my down feelings, stars above the sky and feel the sea. The thing I like here, in the campus, was the field, in the middle of the stadium, especially on weekends, lights are often off, so apparently it's almost dark there. A place I often been to watch stars, no place else could be better than there, Peaceful, quite, no one but you, lie on greeny grass, I can even sleep on it if I want to.

Stressful life in here, not even a single piece of muscle is relax, I don't know why but quite stressed. To be honest, I'm having difficulties on 'socialing' with the people here, topics they had seems not so suit, how can I even discuss? I don't know why but maybe generation gap? But, it's better than none isn't it? At least I had sources to update those bulletin...haha!

I'm quite fed up with those youngsters, honestly, maybe we should change it to social life, as we know, BGs (short formed boys and girls) here usually study in boys school or girls school, other than us mostly graduate from unisex school. They're actually the same with us, teenagers are curious 'bout opposite sex, since they're like never touch in with girls or boys outside their school. Once they got freedom, and that's totally 'LOVE FREEDOM'! What's the feeling of falling in love, loved, cared by him/her etc. And you know what, these happened in my Form 1 sec. school life, ALREADY! Is this the point I should be proud of? Nah... 

But just in case, I'm trying to pull out myself from keeping depress, 'cause nobody will help except my own, why must a girl rely on someone especially boys? Girls are stronger than boys in some ways, but not going to give examples since it's a FACT, blah. And, hope I'll find my piece of sea somedays.

PS: Fucking broken English came to the end. 

唔好對我咁好...

還是不明白為什麼要這麼關心我

明明只是一句簡單的「考試加油！」
換來的卻是一連串的關心
是慣性嗎？
我真的搞不懂。
我很謝謝你的關心，你的體貼，但是
可以不要對我那麼好嗎？

「幹嘛那麼關心我」
「因為你是好女生」

她

今天終於放肆的哭一場。

今天的心理學課，再一次的，玩起催眠課。
上一次的催眠，並沒有走到心底的最深層，那時候，當我走到海灘，就走到更深的地方......直到被喚醒的那刻，我才意識到自己離隊了。
這一次，說真的我的意識一直都在，除了在全身放鬆的階段不在狀況，其實到了下樓梯的部分，我也跟著下樓梯了。可是那個過程，很驚悚，那並不是一條舒服的過程，樓梯很暗，很暗，一直到達陸地，轉身看到的，是條昏暗的走廊，兩側都是門，夾雜一些陰森。我隨著聲音的帶領，來到寫著自己名字的房門，吸了一口氣，就把門打開了。
那是一間復古的房間，明亮的落地窗陽光照進，暖暖的火爐生著火，我在面對火爐的沙發坐下，看著那暖暖的火，一直燒著，與門外比起，它少了威脅，多了溫暖。這時候，眼角餘光看到一個人接近，但是沒有恐懼，而是親切，轉頭一看，是她。看見她的一刻，它們奪眶而出，任由地心引力的吸引往下流。我們坐在沙發，一句不吭，時間就這樣停留著。房間里，除了木頭被燒的咔吱聲，就剩下我和她的呼吸聲，直到她要離開前，她對我說了一句

“走下去。”

我的眼淚始終沒有停下，不過既然已經遇到了，我，也是時候離開了。但是直到現在，我還是沒辦法確定自己那時候是否確實將那扇門鎖緊，我就上樓梯，離開了，醒了。

睜開眼睛，我依然哭著，不是因為思念，而是解脫。謝謝你。每次在我需要的時候都會出現。

Life part.

Thanks to KeeLung, I found my smile back.

我記得曾經對著他嚷著要去看海，就這樣沒想到，我因為一份飲食文學報告來到基隆。雖然不盡然是片大海，但是當我從公車下來踩到陸地的那刻，我聞到了久違的海水鹹味，聽到海水拍打停泊在旁的船身的聲音，迎面而來的是涼涼的海風。我，找到海了。

人家都說茫茫無際的海，看起來很憂鬱，但是對我而言，這是看不到的另一個盡頭。也因這看不到的盡頭，才讓我能用異人的想象，發揮不同的手法、創造不同的可能性，去編織我希望看到的海岸。

海浪猶如人生起伏，有靜有動蕩。一波接一波的海浪，會讓人覺得生命受到威脅，可遇到風平浪靜的時候，難道就沒有危險嗎？ 一只藍鯨，雖然溫馴，也有可能會是使船翻覆的威脅。

致，那片海。

是因為真的看出嗎？你老是要我開心點。
無論什麼時候，你都努力逗我笑，在我面前耍屁，跟你相處真的可以無止盡的笑，甚至可以在你面前哭。

你曾經說過，當我傷心完了，你就不會在我面前太屁。
謝謝你，說好的那片海，我，看到了。
也許，是時候退場了。

It's dreamlike, sometimes life is just a bubble-like, it pop whenever you touch it. 

Sad life beneath a fancy mask. 

Failure life, keep it stick on so it became part of yours.

無標

永遠覺得以前的自己最快樂

夜晚

下雨 的 夜晚

走到今天，腳步如此緩慢，察覺嗎？

「像一個演員 把悲傷當做是排練
 白天被馴服 夜晚卻更激烈」

也許，不斷的排練才能變得更熟練，
才不容易被識破

受傷而哭
哭完再走
放晴的夜晚，我看得到，明月、零星，
空蕩的心，我說服著自己入眠
直到，找到那片草地，能讓自己安心的，繼續仰望。